What Should I Do If My Child With Autism Hits Me?

As a parent of a child with autism, hitting can be a challenging behavior to deal with. However, some strategies can help you and your child.

judah schiller
Judah Schiller
December 1, 2023
Published On
December 1, 2023

Understanding Autism and Hitting Behavior

To effectively respond to hitting behavior in children with autism, it is essential for parents to have a solid understanding of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and the reasons behind hitting behavior in children with autism.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that affects communication, social interaction, and behavior. It is characterized by a range of symptoms and challenges that can vary from person to person. Individuals with ASD may have difficulties with verbal and nonverbal communication, social interaction, and exhibit repetitive or restrictive behaviors.

Children with autism often struggle to express their needs, emotions, or frustrations in conventional ways. This can lead to the manifestation of challenging behaviors, such as hitting. It's important to note that hitting behavior is not exclusive to autism and can occur in individuals without the disorder as well.

Exploring Hitting Behavior in Children with Autism

Hitting behavior in children with autism can have various underlying causes. It is crucial for parents to understand these causes in order to effectively address and manage the behavior. Some common reasons for hitting behavior in children with autism include:

  1. Communication Difficulties: Children with autism may resort to hitting as a way to communicate their needs, desires, or discomfort when they struggle with verbal communication. It is important to explore alternative communication methods, such as sign language or picture-based communication systems, to help them express themselves without resorting to hitting.
  2. Sensory Overload: Children with autism often experience sensory sensitivities and may become overwhelmed by certain sensory stimuli. Hitting behavior can be a means to cope with the sensory overload. Understanding and managing sensory triggers can help reduce the likelihood of hitting.
  3. Frustration and Emotional Regulation: Difficulty regulating emotions and frustration tolerance are common challenges for children with autism. When they become overwhelmed or unable to express their emotions, hitting may be a way to release their frustration. Teaching alternative coping strategies and providing support for emotional regulation can help reduce hitting behavior.

By understanding the nature of autism and the reasons behind hitting behavior in children with autism, parents can approach the issue with empathy, patience, and effective strategies. It is essential to seek professional guidance and support, such as consulting with a behavioral therapist or collaborating with support groups and other parents who have experience dealing with similar challenges.

Parental Response to Hitting Behavior

As a parent of a child with autism, it can be challenging to navigate and respond to hitting behavior. It's important to remember that hitting is a form of communication for children with autism, and understanding the underlying causes is crucial in developing effective strategies. In this section, we will explore two key aspects of parental response: staying calm and regulating your emotions and assessing the triggers and underlying causes.

Stay Calm and Regulate Your Emotions

When faced with hitting behavior from your child, it's essential to remain calm and composed. It's natural to feel frustrated, upset, or even hurt, but reacting strongly may escalate the situation further. Taking deep breaths, practicing self-regulation techniques, and reminding yourself that the behavior is not a personal attack can help you maintain a calmer demeanor.

By staying calm, you create a more stable environment for your child. They may be more receptive to your guidance and less likely to engage in further hitting behavior. Moreover, modeling emotional regulation can be beneficial for your child's own emotional development.

Assess the Triggers and Underlying Causes

Understanding the triggers and underlying causes of hitting behavior is crucial in providing appropriate support and intervention for your child. Hitting can occur due to a variety of reasons, such as frustration, sensory overload, communication difficulties, or as a response to specific stimuli.

When your child engages in hitting behavior, try to identify the triggers that precede the hitting. Keep a journal or use a behavior tracking app to record these triggers and any patterns you notice. This can help you pinpoint potential triggers and develop strategies to minimize their impact.

Additionally, consider the underlying causes of hitting behavior. For example, hitting may be a result of difficulty communicating needs or experiencing sensory overload. By identifying these causes, you can address the root of the behavior and provide appropriate support.

Remember, hitting behavior in children with autism is not a reflection of your parenting skills. It is a form of communication that requires understanding and a proactive approach. Seeking guidance from professionals and support groups can provide valuable insights and strategies to address hitting behavior effectively.

By staying calm and assessing the triggers and underlying causes, you can approach your child's hitting behavior with empathy, understanding, and an informed perspective. This lays the foundation for developing strategies to support your child and strengthen your connection.

Strategies for Managing Hitting Behavior

Dealing with hitting behavior in children with autism can be challenging for parents. However, by implementing effective strategies, you can help manage and reduce this behavior. Two key strategies for managing hitting behavior are consistency and predictability and reinforcing positive behavior.

Consistency and Predictability

Consistency and predictability are essential when addressing hitting behavior in children with autism. Establishing consistent routines and clear expectations can help provide a sense of stability and reduce anxiety, which may contribute to hitting behavior.

To promote consistency, it's important to establish and maintain consistent rules and consequences. Set clear boundaries and communicate them to your child in a simple and concrete manner. Use visual supports, such as visual schedules or social stories, to help your child understand the expectations and sequence of activities. By creating a structured environment, you can help your child feel more secure and less likely to engage in hitting behavior.

Consistency should also extend to your response when your child engages in hitting behavior. Remain calm and respond consistently to each instance of hitting. Use a firm, but gentle, approach to redirect their behavior and emphasize that hitting is not acceptable. Consistency in your response helps your child understand the consequences of their actions and reinforces the message that hitting is not an appropriate way to communicate or express themselves.

Reinforcing Positive Behavior

Reinforcing positive behavior is a critical strategy for managing hitting behavior in children with autism. By focusing on and reinforcing desirable behaviors, you can help your child develop alternative ways to express themselves and reduce the frequency of hitting.

When your child engages in positive behaviors, such as using appropriate communication or engaging in calm interactions, provide immediate and specific praise. Be specific about what they did well, such as saying, "I like how you used your words to ask for what you wanted." Reinforce positive behavior consistently and offer small rewards or tokens to further reinforce these behaviors. Over time, your child will learn that positive behavior leads to positive outcomes.

It's important to note that reinforcing positive behavior does not mean ignoring or dismissing hitting behavior. It's crucial to address hitting behavior firmly and redirect your child towards more appropriate ways of expressing themselves. The focus on reinforcing positive behavior serves to teach and promote alternative strategies, while discouraging hitting behavior.

By implementing strategies such as consistency, predictability, and reinforcing positive behavior, parents can effectively manage and reduce hitting behavior in children with autism. It's essential to remember that seeking professional support, such as consulting with a behavioral therapist, can provide additional guidance and personalized strategies for addressing hitting behavior.

Communication and Social Skills

Effective communication and social skills play a crucial role in helping children with autism navigate their world and express their needs and emotions appropriately. When addressing hitting behavior in children with autism, it is important for parents to focus on teaching alternative communication methods and providing social supports. This section will explore two key strategies: teaching alternative communication methods and utilizing social stories and visual supports.

Teaching Alternative Communication Methods

For children with autism who engage in hitting behavior, it is essential to introduce alternative communication methods. Hitting is often a way for them to express frustration, communicate their needs, or seek attention. By teaching them alternative ways to communicate, parents can help their child express themselves in more appropriate ways.

One effective method is implementing a communication system, such as picture exchange communication system (PECS) or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) devices. These systems provide visual supports that allow children to communicate their desires and needs without resorting to hitting. By using visual representations, children can point to or exchange pictures to express their thoughts or requests.

Additionally, incorporating social skills training can be beneficial. This involves teaching children with autism how to recognize and interpret social cues, understand emotions, and engage in appropriate social interactions. Social skills groups or therapy sessions can provide structured environments for children to learn and practice these skills.

Social Stories and Visual Supports

Social stories and visual supports are valuable tools for children with autism who struggle with understanding social cues and appropriate behavior. Social stories are written or visual narratives that describe specific situations or scenarios and provide guidance on how to behave appropriately. These stories can help children learn social expectations and understand the consequences of hitting.

Visual supports, such as visual schedules or visual cue cards, help children with autism understand and follow daily routines, anticipate transitions, and manage their behaviors. These visual aids provide a clear and structured representation of the child's daily activities and expectations, reducing anxiety and confusion.

By incorporating social stories and visual supports into daily routines, parents can help children with autism understand and navigate social situations, reducing the likelihood of hitting behavior.

When implementing these strategies, it is important for parents to remember that each child is unique, and what works for one child may not work for another. It is essential to tailor the approach to the individual needs and preferences of the child. Seeking guidance from professionals, such as behavioral therapists or support groups, can provide additional support and guidance in developing effective communication and social skills strategies.

By fostering effective communication and social skills, parents can help their child with autism find alternative ways to express themselves and reduce the occurrence of hitting behavior.

Seeking Professional Support

When dealing with hitting behavior in children with autism, it is important for parents to seek professional support to better understand and address the underlying causes. Consulting with a behavioral therapist and collaborating with support groups and other parents can provide valuable guidance and assistance in managing the challenges associated with hitting behavior.

Consulting with a Behavioral Therapist

A behavioral therapist, specializing in working with children on the autism spectrum, can provide expert guidance and develop individualized strategies to address hitting behavior. They will conduct a thorough assessment to identify the triggers, underlying causes, and any related behavioral patterns. Based on this assessment, the therapist will work with parents to develop a comprehensive behavior intervention plan tailored to the child's specific needs.

The behavior intervention plan may include a combination of strategies such as positive reinforcement, visual supports, social stories, and communication techniques. The therapist will provide guidance on implementing these strategies consistently and effectively at home. Regular sessions with a behavioral therapist can help parents track progress, make necessary adjustments, and gain confidence in managing hitting behavior.

Collaborating with Support Groups and Other Parents

Connecting with support groups and other parents who have experienced similar challenges can be invaluable for emotional support and practical advice. These groups provide a safe space to share experiences, learn from others, and gain insights into effective strategies for managing hitting behavior.

Support groups can be found online or in local communities, and they often organize regular meetings, workshops, or online forums where parents can connect and exchange ideas. Collaborating with other parents allows for the sharing of experiences, coping mechanisms, and success stories. It can provide a sense of community and reassurance that parents are not alone in facing the challenges associated with hitting behavior in children with autism.

By seeking professional support through a behavioral therapist and connecting with support groups and other parents, parents can access a wealth of knowledge, resources, and guidance. These collaborative efforts can empower parents to develop effective strategies, gain a deeper understanding of their child's needs, and build a stronger connection with their child. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and demonstrates the commitment to supporting your child's well-being.


Is it common for children with autism to hit?

Hitting and other forms of physical aggression can be relatively common in children with autism. These behaviors may be related to sensory processing difficulties, difficulty communicating needs and wants, or other factors.

What should I do if my child hits me during a meltdown?

During a meltdown, your child may not be able to control their actions or emotions. In this situation, it's important to prioritize safety. Remove any objects that could cause harm and try to guide your child away from others until they calm down.

How can I help my child learn alternative ways of expressing themselves?

Communication difficulties are often a root cause of hitting behavior in children with autism. Working with a speech-language therapist or communication specialist can help your child learn alternative ways of expressing themselves and reduce frustration.

What if positive reinforcement doesn't work?

While positive reinforcement can be an effective tool for shaping behavior, it may not work for every child or every situation. A qualified therapist or behavioral specialist can help you develop individualized strategies based on your child's unique needs and challenges.

Will my child outgrow hitting behavior as they get older?

While every child is different, many individuals with autism continue to struggle with challenging behaviors throughout their lives. However, early intervention and consistent support can help improve outcomes and quality of life.


Having a child with autism can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help you address difficult behaviors like hitting. By understanding the reasons behind the behavior, staying calm, removing your child from the situation, using positive reinforcement, and seeking professional help when necessary, you can help your child thrive and build a strong relationship with them. Remember, you're not alone, and there are resources available to support you and your family along the way.